Monday, September 29, 2008

Age, Lies and Downright Nonsense.

Top of the...oh who am I kidding? Bleaurgh, Monday. Tired, me, hungover me, ( yes I know, but I was away) I am fucked off to find I have a meeting today too. Bah, I hate meetings. Meetings shmeetings.
Becranked, fuzzy headed and feeling my age it was with mucho guffawing that I discovered this article in the daily wail this morning. I thought I was just getting older, turns out I'm just suffering from a disease. Quick, get up, run into a nearby bathroom and take a gawk in the mirror. Do you have this terrible disease too?
Huzzah!
Oh blessed diseases, where would we be without you? Obesity= disease, alcoholism= disease, boinking people who are not your significant other on a regular basis = disease, anorexia= disease, gambling= disease, and now aging= disease.
Oh thank marmalade. I thought getting older was a natural thing, rather like breathing and hating meetings. But clearly I was wrong. We can CURE it. Because obviously it's truly awful getting older. It's repugnant, shameful, a thing to be hidden and lied about. We must secret it away, blanket over it. Lie about it. What of our worth? It goes down with each sag and line. I mean it must, right? There's a whole fucking industry out there telling you so. 'Reduce the signs of aging!!' You too can look VISIBLY younger!!'
I don't know how I caught this wretched disease. But now that it has been identified I can address the issue. I'll drink the kool aid, buy the potions and lotions. I'll battle on and attend meetings with like minded sufferers.
'Hi, I'm Fatmammycat and I'm, I'm...35.'
'Whoo hoo, sing it sister.'
I can beam, relieved to be with other age sufferers. We can help each other overcome it. If Cher can turn back time I can too. So can you. So can everybody.
Aging, so shocking, so sinful, so contagious.
So what?
More bollocksology.

Update: I've just noticed Gimmie is back, this has brightened a pretty gloomy sort of morning some what. Now if only some one would magic me up some breakfast I might even crack out a smile.

Labels:

30 Comments:

Anonymous Anonymous said...

I love* the way they use any excuse to stick up some pictures of scantily clad celebrities.

*love in this sentence actually means despise.

10:33 a.m.  
Blogger fatmammycat said...

Feeling Mondayish too, Morgor?

10:44 a.m.  
Blogger laughykate said...

What I don't get is the older I get (and look), the more immature I become.

Someone walked into the office last week at the exact time I was balancing post-it notes on my head. I had been a normal functioning person all day then, the moment I start a competition of balancing post-it notes on your head, someone walks into the office.

I am trying to justify it by claiming that balancing post-it notes on my head is better than injecting my face full of poison.

That's my story and I'm sticking to it.

10:50 a.m.  
Blogger fatmammycat said...

If I worked in an office I'd staple things together and photocopy my boobs and other stupid things-mostly through sheer boredom and overwhelming resentment at having to be in an office. I think you showed admirable restraint.

I don't get why people are supposed to be almost ashamed of their respective ages. Admiting to 40 for some people I know would be almost like admitting they sniff their neighbours underwear while wearing nothing but a cock ring and cheap aftershave. Do not get it at all.

My god I'm so cranky I could blunderbuss a whole street.

11:17 a.m.  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

I was having a good monday until "cock ring and cheap after shave", now the picture won't go away. Thanks a lot!!!

11:27 a.m.  
Blogger fatmammycat said...

Too close to the bone, huh?

11:31 a.m.  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

just a tad, i'm working overtime for free while trying to do the work of 3 people on my own.

and i'm tired, still slightly hungover from saturday AND i've got a long commute to an empty house.

where's my chainsaw?

11:41 a.m.  
Blogger fatmammycat said...

Overtime for free? Fuck that for a game of tiddly-winks. My sympathies.

11:51 a.m.  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

If I worked in an office I'd staple things together and photocopy my boobs

..........
Don't think they have photocopiers that big FMC

12:06 p.m.  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

Admiting to 40 for some people I know would be almost like admitting they sniff their neighbours underwear while wearing nothing but a cock ring and cheap aftershave.

Is this type of behaviour frowned upon?

Errr.... I mean "Shame on such people"

12:16 p.m.  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

“Don't think they have photocopiers that big FMC”


Ahh no anonymous you can get photocopiers all shapes and sizes these days, you are probably just too used to looking at the lickle ickle tiny one you have for your nob. You know the way when you get used to something it’s hard to visualise something similar being dramatically different, bigger is your case…never mind.

I hate getting old, but I don’t mind telling people how old I am.


Nonny

12:30 p.m.  
Blogger Unknown said...

You stripling, you!

But tell me this, where do you stand/sit on the whole colouring your hair because you're worth it spiel?

1:01 p.m.  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

I'm looking forward to getting old. You get away with a lot more stuff. You can say anything you like, no matter how rude or obnoxious, and people will just say "Aw, she's just old."

Bring it on!

2:42 p.m.  
Blogger James McInerney said...

When my grandfather was 89 years old, he was still regular as clockwork. Had a pee every morning at 7:30 am, without fail.

He didn't wake until 9 am tho.

Nobody wants to live to be 100, except for the guy who's 99.



Sam and Abe, now in their eighties, first met in grade school. Their relationship now is playing cards, playing jokes and making bets.

One day Sam calls Abe and says, "I bet you that mine is longer soft than yours is hard. A thousand dollars..."

Abe replies, "How can that be? If you know anything about biology you...."

Sam interrupts, "I called for a bet, not a lecture. Mine is longer soft than yours is hard. A thousand dollars... YES OR NO?"

Abe says, "OK, OK. I'll take that bet. How long is yours soft?"

Sam answers, "Eleven years!"


Boom tish.

2:55 p.m.  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

admitting they sniff their neighbours underwear while wearing nothing but a cock ring and cheap aftershave


That Paramour sure is pervvvvy
Do you take part as well FMC?? Do ya do ya?? Huh?? Huh?? Huh???
Do you climb over the neighbours fence under hours of darkness and deftly pilfer said undergarments, stuffing the precious items down you ample bosum before clambering back over the fence??
Do ya? Huh? Huh? Gaaawaaaan , tell us, get's yourselves a webcam, we can all watch.

2:57 p.m.  
Blogger daisy mae said...

it reminds me of patsy from absolutely fabulous, when she gets "addicted" to paralox....

3:28 p.m.  
Blogger fatmammycat said...

Evening. *groans at jokes, ponders neighbour's washing line, oversized y-fronts aren't really considered precious are they?*

Conan, I"m against it! People should only dye their hair if they want, not because the septic ad folk tell them so.

The M50 is mental, avoid at all cost.

I love Patsy, 'When did you last eat Pats?
'1973.'
Sigh.

5:14 p.m.  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

I too am.....35 and have recently caught the disease that makes you spend a fortune on a 'serum' because the Irish Times Magazine says it'll reduce my wrinkles by 66%. *sigh* It feels good to get it off my chest.

11:07 p.m.  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

A good aftershave for men

A good aftershave for men is that aftershave that is going to be giving you that incredible look that you have always wanted, because maybe you already look good after you shave, but that is not necessarily enough, you might need something extra, something else, something that would make you look smoother and cleaner, and you can achieve that, no question about it, however, you need to know how to play your cards, and the best way in which you are going to manage to always look good, is by using some aftershave for men.

This aftershave for men has got lots and lots of advantages, and trust me, if you are able of using such a product, you will notice a difference right away, a difference that you are going to love, and that other people are also going to notice, that is exactly why to use a product like this is so important. Let me tell you that among the advantages of a good aftershave for men you have that this product will function just like an astringent, in other words, it will save your skin from damaging, or even from infection, an aftershave for men will also be able to give you a great protection from rashes, which is something that I know you are going to be loving, since a rash is something that could really ruin your look if you just shaved, and on top of it all, an aftershave for men will make your skin to feel smooth and very clean, you are going to be loving what your face will feel like, and trust me, it is something your woman is going to notice too.

It is never to late to try and look your best, so make the right move, and try some of this product, I assure you that it will be a change for the best. http://www.bestaftershaveformen.com

9:19 p.m.  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

In simple fact many instances you can help save up to 70% off the retail charges of these pretty purses.You are able to select the kind of mattress, the colour, size and numerous other capabilities when you area your order. franklin et marshall When it happens to shoe, gentlemen and women are really enthusiastic to get numerous pairs of footwear for their collections.These slip on Fitflop Shoes element the patented Featherlite device sole that combines lightweight, total cushion, toughness and traction all in a single deal.You do not have to be a mother, or maybe particularly like young children, but when you take a seem at infant items, there is no denying that it can be quite lovely.Investigate nature's wilderness in it and you might just get a truly feel of the native's lifestyle back again then.What would Jesus do? If Moses could stumble soon after forty many years walk with God, I would do effectively to heed His phrases.

Colored ornamental earrings are effective when they are hand glazed.Youthful generations have a tendency to wear a lot more flashy Tiffany Jewellery than a lot more mature older people. franklin marshall If you are in a profession in which you are required to walk the entire day then arch help fitflop sandals are the finest one for you.In fact, most people have a tendency to find golfing fitflop sandals a entire whole lot more at ease on days like this.To stop external drinking water finding into the shoes, numerous designs attribute a Gore-Tex lining for overall waterproofing.They can guide you to clothes that will safeguard you and not damage you.two.

With pets becoming members of the household, it is only organic that they grow to be people in the dynamics of the connection.The colourless diamond or often named the white diamond, is what other stones are compared with. [url=http://www.franklinmarshallsalefr.com/franklin-marshall-hommes-hauts-chemises-c-1_3.html]hauts franklin marshall homme[/url] franklin marshall soldes You might choose to wrap up a pair for Mother's Day or Christmas to pamper the mother or grandmother in your daily life.There are numerous diverse styles which will make you oooh and ahhh, and dream about your up coming style declaration!Some folks just never realize the importance of sneakers and in this circumstance Balenciaga women's shoes (particularly men!).HOW TO RECOGNISE Poor Good quality Owing to the truth that on the internet shoe stores only provide branded things, you can be assured of the quality.We often very own a range of pairs of fitflop sandals.There is a lot of sandals out there that are substantial technological innovation that ensure to do a lot from a bio-mechanical viewpoint.

I lookup enormous and slender.School Toms footwear for children, formal Toms footwear for men and comfy pair of Toms shoes for the elderly can also be obtained very easily right now. franklin et marshall For the designer watches, crystals are employed since they are highly resistant to scratch.They are durable and masculine with an emphasis on the basic search.They invest their advertising expenditures on advertising their new merchandise to their current retailers, keeping a great company partnership with what is bringing in the certain revenue.Finally to deposit it gatherings into the ocean.At minimum, when you look for the support of Salehoo, you can be confident that you are dealing with a dependable business that will not give you incorrect data, and they prepared to defend their phrase for it.

11:12 p.m.  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

You could certainly see your expertise in the work you write.
The world hopes for even more passionate writers such as
you who aren't afraid to mention how they believe. Always go after your heart.

Feel free to surf to my weblog; bad Credit Car loans
Feel free to surf my blog post ... how to buy a car,buying a car,buy a car,how to buy a car bad credit,buying a car bad credit,buy a car bad credit,how to buy a car with bad credit,buying a car with bad credit,buy a car with bad credit,bad credit car loans,car loans bad credit,auto loans bad credit,bad credit auto loans,buying a car bad credit loans,bad credit loans cars,buying a car and bad credit,how to buy a car on bad credit,buying a car on bad credit,loans for cars with bad credit,auto loans for bad credit,buying a car with bad credit,how to buy a car with bad credit

6:17 p.m.  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

Gοοd day! Thіѕ iѕ my
first сοmmеnt here sо I јust wаnteԁ to giѵe a quick ѕhout out
and sаy I really enjoу reaԁing thrοugh youг articleѕ.

Can yοu ѕuggest anу otheг blogs/websites/forumѕ
that go οver thе ѕamе subјects?
Τhank you ѕo much!
Here is my web-site ... iphonefix

1:21 a.m.  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

Wonderful post however , Ι was wanting to know if you could ωrіtе a litte moге on thіs topic?
I'd be very thankful if you could elaborate a little bit further. Thank you!

Also visit my homepage; vertical explosion

2:12 a.m.  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

Howdу аre using Woгԁpress
for yοuг blog platfοrm? I'm new to the blog world but I'm trying tο get started and creаte my own.
Dο you need any html coding κnowleԁge to make yοur oωn blog?
Αny hеlp would be grеatly appreciаted!


Here is my web ρage: how to get taller naturally
My web site :: height increase naturally

4:38 a.m.  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

Good day! This is mу first vіѕit
tο your blog! Wе are a team of volunteers and starting a new projеct in a сοmmunity in the same niсhe.
Your blog ρroѵided uѕ valuable infоrmation to wοrk on.
You have done a еxtraordinary јоb!

Feеl free to surf to my blog :: wooden boat

7:18 a.m.  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

Right awaу I am reaԁy to ԁo my bгeakfast, afterwаrd
having my bгеаκfast соming οver again to rеad furtheг
news.

Нere is my blog post iphone repair pj

3:33 p.m.  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

Hi friends, its enormous articlе regаrding
tutoringand entirely explainеd, keep it up аll the timе.


Also viѕit my рage ... ipad repair pj

10:04 a.m.  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

Hi friends, its enoгmous аrticle regarԁing tutoringand еntirely exρlaіned,
kееp it up all the time.

Аlso viѕit my web page: ipad repair pj

10:05 a.m.  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

Do you havе a spam issuе on this wеbsitе;
I аlso am a blogger, and I wаs wondeгing
your situation; many of us have created some nicе methοds аnd ωe are looking to trade solutions with others, be sure
to shоot me аn еmаil if іntereѕtеd.


my wеbѕite: naturalbreastenlargement..

4:40 p.m.  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

Thаnks for finаlly ωriting abοut > "Age, Lies and Downright Nonsense."
< Loved it!

my page ... get bigger bοobs

1:22 a.m.  

Post a Comment

<< Home